From Force to Feel, A Turning Point with Q

And finally, the third installment in my trilogy of posts about my time with Kate Little of KEL Equestrian!

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THE ASK: help unlock communication so that I can get Q to work more relaxed by lowering her poll and stretching over her back instead of going inverted with her “llama head.” I’ve worked with numerous skilled folks in the past on achieving this goal, but the approach was usually to add more and more pressure, riding her like the little motorcycle she becomes in those moments. Q would often end up stressed and rigid, bowling through everything but the heaviest of aids. Riding her, for me, was a lot of work. And it wasn’t fair to either of us! I work my ass off, and she just gets bossed around. I knew there had to be something better, and I had a strong gut feeling that Kate would help unlock that for us. 

Photo by Jen

FIRST, Kate spent some time on the ground with Q, assessing her and learning a bit about the mare. She walked around the arena with Q, observing her closely and quietly interacting with her for several minutes. Then she got in the saddle and worked with her quietly (no narration) for a while longer. It wasn’t long before she reached an understanding with Q about how to relax and stretch under saddle. No counterbend, no upside-down llama impression.

Kate then put Q through the paces at the trot and began getting such beautiful moments from her with the lightest contact I’ve ever seen used to achieve such movement. I was honestly shocked at how emotional it made me. In our 13 years together, I’ve had so many different people weigh in on this mare. This was the first time someone brought an approach that was so light, kind, and genuinely connected. It was just what Q needed, and the change in her was astonishing.

After a bit, Kate paused and offered to let me get on. I had to tell her I needed a few minutes to collect myself because I was really feeling my feels from seeing what had just happened. Kate took Q around for a few more minutes while I composed myself.

BEFORE I GOT IN THE SADDLE, Kate explained what she had been doing. In the simplest terms: when Q was counterbent or upside down, Kate gently lifted and vibrated the inside rein. When Q responded by bending correctly or reaching down over her back, Kate immediately rewarded her with lightness, “...just the best feeling you can give her.”

Photo by Jen

Once I was mounted, Kate coached me through every move. From her vantage point and expert eye, she could see even the smallest “right” answer from Q and told me exactly when to reward her. In short order, I was able to get work similar to what Kate had. And it was incredible. Such a wildly different feel to ride that version of Q!

SINCE RETURNING HOME from the clinic, I’ve been practicing these techniques in our rides. It’s a bit more challenging here without an arena and with my flat area being farther from the other horses, which makes it harder to keep Q’s attention. Still, we’re getting more successful moments than not, which is a big improvement over past attempts. I suspect I may need to bring the boys with us and tie them nearby to help Q stay focused. I’ll figure it out soon enough.

Regardless, I am reinvigorated in the best way to work with this little mare and improve both our work under saddle on the flat and our relationship with one another. From the work we've accomplished already, I can already see marked changes - for the better! - in our relationship. It's wonderful.

Photo by Jen

IN CLOSING as I reflect on my takeaways from my time with Kate, I keep thinking about horse training methodology. The ways so many of us were originally taught to train horses are often unkind and unfair to these sensitive animals. I’m so grateful for new approaches rooted in kindness and fairness, and I’m not surprised they get better results, usually faster.

It’s still a mental fight not to feel like I failed so much in the past. I strive to do better once I know better, and I keep learning “better” all the time. Breaking old knee-jerk routines is its own challenge, but I’m making progress, and that’s where I need to focus my energy.

Bless our horses of the past for enduring our learning curves and the hardships that came with them. It’s hard to juggle the mental weight of knowing how wrong I was in some of my past approaches, how much undue stress and pain I caused Q and myself. I know I was only doing the best I could with what I knew then. Neglect is knowing better and choosing not to do better. I strive every day to do better as I learn better.

In short: I’m proud of the progress Q and I are making, grateful for teachers like Kate, and hopeful about the lighter, kinder path we’re forging together.