Writing that post, coupled with writing those goals on a mirror in my room has held me more accountable than ever before to fulfilling them. My frame-of-mind is different now than in previous years, as well. I realized that I'm at a point in my life where change happens almost daily. You accept and adapt or you get left behind. Its frustrating. Its exciting. Its totally worth it in the end.
Holding myself accountable and being aware of how I actively wanted to change myself for the better this year was a complete and total success. Certainly, there is more I could accomplish within each of the goals I set for myself, but I have come leaps and bounds from where I was this time last year.
I'm so much calmer than I've ever been. My personality type up until this year was one in which I always had to try to micromanage everything. I was always concerned with what was going on around me at all times and how things might affect me. Not now. I've quit micromanaging my life. As a direct result I sleep better, I don't lie away fretting and worrying about things. I've accepted that I have the power to change things and I don't have the power to change other things - so why worry about those things? I no longer beat myself up over those things. I accept them for what they are, make the most of them, and move forward with my chin up and a smile on my face as much as I can.
I've also made a huge effort to judge less. We all judge everyone around us. We don't speak up about things, but we all think things. I've stopped myself from thinking negatively countless times this year. I've forced myself to see the best in everyone around me as much as I can. Its a much better way to be.
Additionally, I've really learned when to pick my battles and to keep my mouth closed when there is really no point in my saying anything. My mind races through things faster than a lot of other people, I've realized. My core group of friends are all equally quick-minded and quick-witted with snarky tongues, but the rest of the world isn't so much. I've learned to rein in that side of myself around people who can't handle it. I don't speak up and I let things slide past that won't matter in the long run. There are times when I need to speak up, and I do, but for the most part, I've avoided many a complicated situation by just staying mum. Its been a valuable lesson.
I'm certain someone, somewhere reading what I've accomplished is probably thinking "well, DUH" about things, but if I've realized anything this year, its that people can tell you to do something or not do something until they're blue in the face, but until you have a really striking experience with it you're not going to get what they're telling you.
I went through some really rough patches this year. Some really, really low points. But I came out of them. I knew as I was falling into them that I would be okay. That I would get through them. That I would be better for it. That it was only going to take time. And time SUCKS. But then time passed. And I started making a conscious effort to say every day, This will be the best day. or to say at the beginning of each month, This will be the best month. I repeat these phrases daily/monthly. Because why the hell can't today be the best day? Why the hell can't this be the best month? Why can't each following day and month be the best? I can be my own worst enemy and make life miserable or I can actively make my life incredible. I chose the latter.
I'm happy. I'm so happy. I've accepted that things will fall into place as they're meant to. I've accepted that I have a good head on my shoulders. I've accepted that I have the ability and means to accomplish whatever I set my mind to do. I've accepted that sure, there are rough days, but they will pass. I've lived more in the moment than I ever have before and its been wonderful. I wish everyone was able to do this. The world would be such a happier place.
So, moving forward. A new year is on the horizon yet again. Change is just as evident in my life now as it was last year. The only thing that has changed is my perspective on it.
This year: I will strive to further improve on last years goals. To build upon them. In addition, I'm going to strive to accept changes and make the absolute best out of them. And, I want to be as honest with myself and with others as I can be.
Last year I mentioned some other goals, too, some doing things goals that involved me actually getting out there and physically doing something. These included the following:
- finding future-super-star horse: Check. I found two horses. Two wonderful super stars. They fell into my life without me seeking them out. They're wonderful and you are all aware of how much we have accomplished this year as I actively update about them all the time.
- riding 100 days: Check. I altered this at first to include training days as I didn't anticipate Q coming into my life. But then she did. And she and I have had well over 100 riding days. Griffin and I have had well over 100 training days. That's one helluva lot of horse time. I wouldn't change it for anything.
- skiing 20 days: Check. Exactly 20 on the dot. The last two days kicked my ass, but they were totally worth it. I don't know how many days I will strive for this year, but I definitely want to get out a lot and visit somewhere new....maybe the Alps.
- reading more. Check...ish. This goal was going all well and good until my fall quarter at OSU began. Then my life became all about school and reading ceased to exist. I did manage to read a number of incredible books though. Nonfiction mostly. I've learned me up good this year.
- learning to edit photos better: Check. Double-check. I wanted to learn one new thing in photoshop for each month. I think I tripled or quadrupled the number of things I learned.
- running a 5k: Fail. This did not happen. While I aspire to run, I'm just simply NOT a runner. Booo on running. Its not for lack of trying. I got to a point where I enjoyed it more than I ever had before, but old injuries from swimming ultimately prevent me from getting very far with daily running regimes.
- cooking 1 dinner a week for myself: Fail. I did cook. But I didn't cook that much!! I actively changed my diet for the better and have stuck to that life choice and plan to keep that up in the new year.
- and completing a number of items on my 30 before 30 list: Wolves?! Um, CHECK!! Check x19! I learned how to telemark. I slept in my hammock. I went to NYC. And I learned how to pack a horse and travel in the backcountry. Five checks off my list this year. Not too shabby at all!! I'm certain the others will fall into place as time passes. I move closer to each of these goals every year.