2012: A Year in Review

January:

Kenai tried his hand at being a ski patrol dog during my NSP candidate training and loved it. I spent every weekend training for NSP on the mountain and loved getting in all those ski days, even if the snow sucked. There were a few phenomenal days and I really loved my first season as I learned to telemark ski. I found some time to try my hand at chasing cows and had a blast! I accepted the change in my life as a good thing and then adopted some more change in the form of a new horse, Griffin!

February:

I had some difficulty coming up with a name for Griffin at first, but I eventually settled and posted a much-awaited (at the time) photo of him. He was so little! Mountain Khakis published their first catalog and I was the featured female ambassador. NSP training, despite difficulties, continued and I really began looking forward to its conclusion in March. I also found out that my summer plans to do a Leave No Trace Master Educator course with an emphasis on stock use in the backcountry would be happening!! I also finally got the edited video of me riding a horse I helped start the summer prior. Kenai had troubles with measuring, and I visited NYC for the first time for my birthday with my mom. I got to catch up with an incredible person while I was there, too. I learned to dance with a horse.

March:

NSP training continued and I completed! Huzzah! I filmed a training session with Griffin and Kenai got to play with a starling after. We bid adieu to one of the greatest horses I've had the pleasure to know due to a freak accident. Kenai turned two! Griffin got his first trim, and I posted photos of his improvement. And the biggest thing of this month, I went to MONTANA! We squeezed in a car. We skied. And we frolicked. And we visited Yellowstone and saw WOLVES! 19 wolves from three different packs. Marked that one off my 30 before 30, big time.

April:

I spammed you with more photos from MONTANA. And I shared a video of us skiing western powder (squee!). And then spammed you with videos of the horses. And Griffin started tagging along on trail rides. I took a moment to reflect on how incredibly awesome life is. Griffin discovered his inner idiot. I updated on my year of yoga (which failed miserably due to a shoulder injury) and gave yummy recipe ideas. Somehow I had a ton of time to read books. We went to the Equine Affaire, too. Oh and of course, there were a lot of Griffin updates!

May:

I focused on the fact that I needed to be more present in my every day life instead of always looking toward the future. I scored a sweet deal on some minimalist shoes for running in a hope to start running more (which never happened because my ankles are whiny little bitches). I spent a fun week of adventuring and training with Griffin. I had a really big weekend of photography for prom, an engagement shoot, and finally went climbing. This Wordless Wednesday post got a heck'ova'lotta hits for some reason. I had another memorable weekend watching my good friend Chris graduate from college, taking photos for two of my best friends for their engagement, and ground driving Griffin. I went to a clinic/trail ride weekend in the southern part of the state with friends and met Q; I then proceeded to ask advice on her and ended up buying her. I think its safe to say she was a pretty good decision!

June:

I threw myself into life with two horses full-force. I found out that Q hates bears, but really doesn't mind ground poles, and she really has a knack for jumping! I got to fulfill a mini-dream of mine and play with Freisians for a day (and many after, actually). I finally left for 2½ weeks in the Great Smoky Nat'l Park where I learned to pack horses and practice Leave No Trace concepts.

July:

I re-hashed my pack experience gone wrong in three different parts (part I, part II, part III); it is the longest story I've told on my blog to-date, and was really hard for me to tell at the time. I went on a crazy-fast 20-mile training ride with a local endurance rider on two of her horses. And jumped back in action with my own horses, while finally pondering some of Griffin's potential TWH background. I continued to spend a lot of time with my horses, photographed one of my best friend's wedding, celebrated Griffin's birthday, and had an absolute blast fulfilling a childhood dream of riding my own horse in a parade!

August:

With August came the start of the coveted 30-mile ride. I had some pre-race anxiety, but Q exceeded all my expectations for this ride and did AMAZINGLY. I was (and still am) so happy with her performance. To get my mind of horse things I went and saw Mumford and Sons the weekend following the race (THEY ARE SO AWESOME LIVE!!). I shared a huge post of new experiences with my horses and then went to fulfill yet another horse-related childhood dream (wow, I really fulfilled a lot of these this year) and rode at Spruce Knob.

September:

I took some time this month to summarize the progress that both Q and Griffin had made during our time together. Q got a mystery ailment (which is still a mystery, though I lean toward a friction/heat cause) and I freaked out a bit and ended up not doing any more training or races this year because of it. I made the decision to really devote myself to getting into a better fitness routine for the upcoming ski season/life. I also dabbled with both horses lunging in a quasi-liberty exercise and decided it was something I would work on more this winter after I established both horses on the ground a little more. I embraced my favorite WV season (autumn) with several pursuits outdoors; this state is absolutely magical in the fall.

October:

Q and I did our second parade; the weather wasn't as great, but she did phenomenally again! A friend came and photographed Q and I jumping; our form is really improving. I spent a lot of time on the rail trail goofing around riding with cyclists instead of other horses. Q continued to amaze me during our last trail ride of the season.

November:

Frankenstorm (Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy) trashed my trails as over 3 feet of snow was dumped at the higher elevations. At this writing they are still clearing trees from roadways. I don't know if any of my summer trails will be the same for awhile. The horses weren't hurt, only a little sore. The weekend after the storm I put away studying to explore the woods with the ladies on horseback. Q and I had a blast. I worked on trailer loading with the horses some, and then goofed off with Freisian horses more. And then I went to Cape May with my bff Mandy and we caught some raptors and I met Dom IRL! Griffin's really gotten big and solid as of this month, and Q exceeded any expectation I had for her in our third parade of the year - a night parade.

December:

I reviewed 23 things I've learned in my 23 year of life. Spent a rainy Sunday training Griffin; put in my first ride on him. I spent an unnaturally warm December day climbing (finally). I took some time to recollect resolutions and goals I had for the year and make some new ones for the upcoming year, and I finally updated everyone on fitness and what I'd learned from my readings.

Man, 2012 was a busy year full of fun adventures, welcoming horses into my life, and developing myself as a person. Here's to a new year, new adventures, building upon foundations I've laid, and making 2013 the best year yet.

Reflection and Forward Motion

Last year I wrote this post on goals and reflection.

Writing that post, coupled with writing those goals on a mirror in my room has held me more accountable than ever before to fulfilling them. My frame-of-mind is different now than in previous years, as well. I realized that I'm at a point in my life where change happens almost daily. You accept and adapt or you get left behind. Its frustrating. Its exciting. Its totally worth it in the end.

Holding myself accountable and being aware of how I actively wanted to change myself for the better this year was a complete and total success. Certainly, there is more I could accomplish within each of the goals I set for myself, but I have come leaps and bounds from where I was this time last year.

I'm so much calmer than I've ever been. My personality type up until this year was one in which I always  had to try to micromanage everything. I was always concerned with what was going on around me at all times and how things might affect me. Not now. I've quit micromanaging my life. As a direct result I sleep better, I don't lie away fretting and worrying about things. I've accepted that I have the power to change things and I don't have the power to change other things - so why worry about those things? I no longer beat myself up over those things. I accept them for what they are, make the most of them, and move forward with my chin up and a smile on my face as much as I can.

I've also made a huge effort to judge less. We all judge everyone around us. We don't speak up about things, but we all think things. I've stopped myself from thinking negatively countless times this year. I've forced myself to see the best in everyone around me as much as I can. Its a much better way to be.

Additionally, I've really learned when to pick my battles and to keep my mouth closed when there is really no point in my saying anything. My mind races through things faster than a lot of other people, I've realized. My core group of friends are all equally quick-minded and quick-witted with snarky tongues, but the rest of the world isn't so much. I've learned to rein in that side of myself around people who can't handle it. I don't speak up and I let things slide past that won't matter in the long run. There are times when I need to speak up, and I do, but for the most part, I've avoided many a complicated situation by just staying mum. Its been a valuable lesson.

I'm certain someone, somewhere reading what I've accomplished is probably thinking "well, DUH" about things, but if I've realized anything this year, its that people can tell you to do something or not do something until they're blue in the face, but until you have a really striking experience with it you're not going to get what they're telling you.

I went through some really rough patches this year. Some really, really low points. But I came out of them. I knew as I was falling into them that I would be okay. That I would get through them. That I would be better for it. That it was only going to take time. And time SUCKS. But then time passed. And I started making a conscious effort to say every day, This will be the best day. or to say at the beginning of each month, This will be the best month. I repeat these phrases daily/monthly. Because why the hell can't today be the best day? Why the hell can't this be the best month? Why can't each following day and month be the best? I can be my own worst enemy and make life miserable or I can actively make my life incredible. I chose the latter.

I'm happy. I'm so happy. I've accepted that things will fall into place as they're meant to. I've accepted that I have a good head on my shoulders. I've accepted that I have the ability and means to accomplish whatever I set my mind to do. I've accepted that sure, there are rough days, but they will pass. I've lived more in the moment than I ever have before and its been wonderful. I wish everyone was able to do this. The world would be such a happier place.

So, moving forward. A new year is on the horizon yet again. Change is just as evident in my life now as it was last year. The only thing that has changed is my perspective on it.

This year: I will strive to further improve on last years goals. To build upon them. In addition, I'm going to strive to accept changes and make the absolute best out of them. And, I want to be as honest with myself and with others as I can be.

Last year I mentioned some other goals, too, some doing things goals that involved me actually getting out there and physically doing something. These included the following:

• finding future-super-star horse: Check. I found two horses. Two wonderful super stars. They fell into my life without me seeking them out. They're wonderful and you are all aware of how much we have accomplished this year as I actively update about them all the time.
• riding 100 days: Check. I altered this at first to include training days as I didn't anticipate Q coming into my life. But then she did. And she and I have had well over 100 riding days. Griffin and I have had well over 100 training days. That's one helluva lot of horse time. I wouldn't change it for anything.
• skiing 20 days: Check. Exactly 20 on the dot. The last two days kicked my ass, but they were totally worth it. I don't know how many days I will strive for this year, but I definitely want to get out a lot and visit somewhere new....maybe the Alps.
• reading more. Check...ish. This goal was going all well and good until my fall quarter at OSU began. Then my life became all about school and reading ceased to exist. I did manage to read a number of incredible books though. Nonfiction mostly. I've learned me up good this year.
• learning to edit photos better: Check. Double-check. I wanted to learn one new thing in photoshop for each month. I think I tripled or quadrupled the number of things I learned.
• running a 5k: Fail. This did not happen. While I aspire to run, I'm just simply NOT a runner. Booo on running. Its not for lack of trying. I got to a point where I enjoyed it more than I ever had before, but old injuries from swimming ultimately prevent me from getting very far with daily running regimes.
• cooking 1 dinner a week for myself: Fail. I did cook. But I didn't cook that much!! I actively changed my diet for the better and have stuck to that life choice and plan to keep that up in the new year.
• and completing a number of items on my 30 before 30 list: Wolves?! Um, CHECK!! Check x19! I learned how to telemark. I slept in my hammock. I went to NYC. And I learned how to pack a horse and travel in the backcountry. Five checks off my list this year. Not too shabby at all!! I'm certain the others will fall into place as time passes. I move closer to each of these goals every year.

2012 was a pretty flippin' awesome year. 2013 is going to be even better. I just know it.

Nat'l Ski Patrol

There were a TON of us out this past weekend because my candidate class was doing phase II testing and we needed loads of patrollers to be testers, patients, and patrollers.  Nearly the entire staff (pro and volunteer) were there.

Saturday was BEYOND stressful for me.  First aid testing scenarios on the hill ... in a mother flippin' blizzard.  Cold, cold, cold.  Wind, wind, wind.  Snow, snow snow.  Normally I would whoop and cheer over this, but having to STAND AROUND in it ALL DAY changes one's opinion of "good" weather quite quickly.  Sunday was a bluebird day for the ski and toboggan (where toboggan is a SLED not a HAT) test.

Sunday (obviously)
This is just over half way up the mountain.
I had to walk/climb to the trees in the dead center of the photo.
Photo: Linda Smith

My scenarios on Saturday went fairly well.  I made one crucial - or so I thought - mistake that I thought should have failed me and began royally freaking out afterwards.  It was such a long, stressful day.  I had a wicked headache by the end.  Up at 5:30a, on the mountain in the cold from 8a - 4:45p, then sitting around waiting to "hear the news" from 4:45p - 5:15p.  I just wanted to sleep.  I didn't care about my results.  I was so exhausted.  But finding out wasn't an option.

They called me into the office second.  The two directors, the paramedic guru, and my instructor were lined up.
Paramedic: "How do you think you did?"
Me: "Mostly good."
P: "What part are you concerned about?"
Me: blah-blah-blah long-winded explanation that no one in the blogosphere cares about involving me not putting someone at the head when c-spine and spine were clear blah-blah-blah
P: "Well, it was meant to be an isolated injury, so while you should be certain to do it in the future, it wasn't an issue for this scenario.  *dramatic pause*  You passed all your scenarios.  Congratulations."
All break into grins and give me hand shakes, hugs, etc.
I cry.

End scene.

Sunday's ski and toboggan skills didn't worry me at all.  They were more fun than stressful.  I was confident in my abilities and had nothing to fear.  And,  I passed.  So what better to reward a sum total of 7 months of hard training with?  Climbing up the mountain with my skis on logically!  Right of passage.

With Kate pre-climb.

I didn't have to climb the WHOLE thing.  Just 80% of it.  Fortunately some friends were there that day with kick-wax.  They let me use it and the whole ordeal was rather painless.  I climbed in 27 minutes.  Would have taken me at least twice as long without the kick-wax.  I did get a wicked sunburn on my face though.  A large number of the patrol heckled me as I went.  Snowball throwing, water bottle giving, sunscreening (too late), and picture taking.  As I stabbed my pole into the end-point I got lots more hugs and congratulations. Pretty good feeling after burning a bajillion calories.

Getting a handshake and a hug from my instructor
Photo: Kate Hall

Climbing the rest of the way
Photo: Kate Hall

Photo: Kate Hall

Wiping the sweat
Photo: Kate Hall

Made it!
Photo: Kate Hall

Being lazy post-climb. I'm in the green.
Photo: Linda Smith

Its been a super fun and super challenging journey getting to this point.  But accomplishment feels good.  My childhood dream (one of them anyway) has been fulfilled, and another swipe off my 30 before 30 list is accomplished.  Success is a sweet, sweet nectar.

Reflection and goals

A lot of my 2011 resolutions I kept to myself, and while I don't remember all of them, I do feel much better about my growth into the person I want to become.

In the past year I have learned to put myself first more often than I had.  I've learned to say "no" a little bit more.  I've carved out a little bit more "me" time amidst the chaos.  I handle a lot of things better than I used to, I'm calmer.  My future is bright.  I'm happy.

Goals for 2012 consist of the following:

- Continue to remain calm in all situations, keeping a calm mind and my wits about me will be much more helpful in overcoming difficult things, and help bar me from jumping to undue conclusions.
- Keeping my mouth shut more, I feel like I blabber about nonsense to fill silence at times when I'm with people I'm not 100% trusting of.  I'd really like to bring this practice to a halt and just be comfortable with silence in all occasions.
- Continue to be slower to judge.  Keep an open mind about things; take everything I can in and just sit and process it for a bit.  Become more like one of Tolkien's ents and make my life "less hasty".
- Learn some new skills as far as "making food" goes, and yes, this involves some new recipes entering my repertoire.
- Continue carving out "me" time and more time to get outside with the pup.  Still striving for that perfect balance of a healthy lifestyle...
- Don't beat myself up over silly things, quit sweating the small stuff.
- Find a way to stop my mind at the end of the day so my quality of sleep can be a little better.  As much as I enjoy dreams about flying, riding, and contorting my body like an expert yogi, I'd rather feel rested in the morning.

I'm sure that list will evolve a little and grow here and there.  In addition to it, I hope to pursue the following on my 30 before 30 list:

+ Hike in the Tetons
+ Stay at a B&B
+ Climb a 14'er
+ Pursue yoga-ing everyday
+ Visit the Redwoods (and maybe Yosemite?)
+ A wolf perhaps?  I will be in wolf country in March it looks like!
+ Pursue my visits into my final 12 states
+ Learn how to telemark ski (I've got my boots and hope to find skis in the next month if it would F*#)@ snow)
+ Sleep in a hammock instead of tent while camping
+ Visit NYC (birthday weekend!)
+ Learn how to pack a horse and travel in the backcountry (c'monnnnn JUNE!)

Were I to complete all of the above, I would be half-way through my list.  Its a start!  I doubt I will complete all of the above, but 2012 has a lot of promise.  There is a high potential to do each of the above this year.  Its great to have my goals down in writing in a place where I can frequently note them.  Its helping me to mold my lifestyle and life choices to accomplish things that mean a lot to me.

But I have unwritten goals, too.  Like finding future-super-star horse.  And being able to ride and train said horse every - or nearly - day.  And having not only a job that I [firstly] enjoy, but one that [secondly] can support my pursuits with animal, travel, and adventures.

A valuable lesson I learned over the summer was that happiness is the ultimate goal to anything.  Knowing and understanding this has made a world of difference for me.  Behind a lot of the things I pursue, the question was first asked, "Will this make me happy?"  If the answer is "yes", then onward I pursue it.  Yes, I must be careful not to make mindless decisions in the process, but I am confident I have a good head on my shoulders.  When my judgement is flawed I have valuable friends to guide me.  That's worth everything in the end.

: : :

Have you started thinking about your goals for the year to come?  Things you'd like to accomplish?
Do you have a list of things to do before a certain deadline/age?

Contentment

Slow week, steady week, good week.

I’m settling into this job finally. Taking it as it comes. Not watching the clock wishing idly for something more. Not powering through my workload at light speed. Leisurely enjoying what I’m given and letting the minutes slip by as they inevitably will. It’s a good place to be. Its nice to be content with what you have and not always wanting more.

I’ve done a lot of number crunching this week for my OSU courses and course plan. I think I can finish this certificate/degree by June 15. There’s still a little bit up in the air as to what courses I’ll be taking for certain this fall, but chances are very good that I will be taking 12 hours (of the 23 total I need to complete this degree). Wham, bam, done. At least that’s how it’s looking! It’ll be nice to have a little more on my resume. Some more credentials. Between this job and that degree (and some mad-awesome first aid skills acquired from my NSP training) I’m going to be sitting pretty as far as my resume is concerned come June 2012! Muy bueno.

And then? My dream [ha] would be is to move to Oregon, buy a little trailer, score another FWS position, work on getting into a graduate program w/in the next four years (before my GRE scores expire). Why a trailer? Well I mean, a little house would be acceptable, too, but basically I plan on going somewhere for 2-5 years to really build on myself and learn more about another place and I’m tired of dealing with rent and pet issues etc. Getting my own tiny place would be nice. Sell it when I am ready to move on. I’m a clean person so it wouldn’t be a dump when I was done or anything.

And my super dream [double ha]: move west, get small residence, get horse, participate in mad-awesome endurance races and live the good life, the horse life. But chances of this? Slim. Not impossible, just slim chances right now. I’m keeping my goals feasible and possible with time-limits on them right now. Knowing I’m definitely going to meet them with time is much nicer than setting some extravagantly silly goal of owning x number of horses/dogs/etc., living in such-and-such extravagant home, working at such-and-such cushy job.

Dreaming aside, back to the present…

I purchased one of these this week:

For my chair at work. Had it for Thursday and Friday, so far, so good. No hip pain like I’d been having daily. Mom said she used to have the (maybe still has?) the issue of hip pain due to the bucket seat design of most work chairs. This little invention is the exact opposite of bucket seat. Not to mention its excellent for improving posture! Not the squishiest and most comfortable thing in the world, but that is a minor defect in my mind. I’m coping well.

I also cleared out a lot of my clothes this week. I have a pile of old t-shirts to make into a third t-shirt quilt this winter, but aside from that I heaped up three garbage bags worth of clothes, shoes, bags, scarves to donate. Well, I was going to donate them, but then a former neighbor reminded me of her daughter so she picked them up instead.

So hurrah. I remember gaining stuff from a girl in my neighborhood when I was younger and how cool it was getting to use some of her stuff because I thought she was super cool. Anyways, I’ve downgraded all of my clothing to be only things I’ve had since I’ve entered college minus a few t-shirts and hoodies. Way less. Way good. Its been difficult to say goodbye to shoes because they’re not something I’ve necessarily out-grown as my feet have been the same size since 4^th grade!! I am so happy to have finally downgraded to such little in comparison to what I used to have. It’s a really awesome feeling – complemented by helping others!

Ah, contentment, why can’t I always be best friends with you? We really are good together, you know?

"But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight"

-Mumford and Sons

Stepping stones

Well, I got the official, “Oh, by the way, we don’t have guaranteed funding for you to keep you on for a year like you thought.  So chances are good that you’ll be done at the end of September.”  Brilliant.

Honestly, maybe it’s a good thing?  I’d have more chances to get out and get more experience.  But hot damn is the money good at this job!  The work isn’t what I’d expected; but I’m learning SO much.  Its definitely been a valuable experience.  And I really don’t know what I’ll do if it ends when I wasn’t expecting it to…  Save, save, save until I find out for certain, I guess.

Maybe I’ll go back to Morgantown and find a temporary job until Nat’l Ski Patrol training is over.  I’m locked in to remaining in this area until I finish that.  And I’m completely okay with that.  Its something I really want to do – something I’ve always wanted to do.  And I’m really excited about it.  But it would be a lot easier for me to find a temporary job in Morgantown than it would be in Elkins.  Probably not doing anything spectacular, but a job is a job.  And if its something I could do and not be miserable doing that paid well – that would make me happy.  And while its nice not having to pay for housing currently, I know I could probably find a cheap room somewhere at a friend’s in the mean time (4 or 5 months).

Bbbllaaaaahhh!  I have so much confusion about my life and what I should do, what I could do, what I want to do.  I hate not knowing.  But opportunities present themselves if you keep your eyes open for them.  I’m sure something will come along for me.

 I don't know what I want.  Its like I need to cross a pond on stepping stones to not risk falling in.  Not all of the stones are visible; one is near, one is far, a couple in the middle I can see for certain.  Others are just under the surface, visible but not certain - I could slip on them.  Others yet are completely out of site.  But I can see some of them.  I have some idea of where I'm going and how I'm getting there.  I definitely have goals to work toward.  These things are important.

If I had unlimited resources what would I do?

-          Endurance train and race horses; travel; learn.  Do endurance around the world.  Put it all together into one giant amazing race piece by piece, one place at a time.

Orion update: He is doing a lot better after only a day of treatment.  The support in the thick bandaging is really helping him out and he's moving a lot better.  The medication and DMSO are really helping combat the inflammation finally.  Its dissipating a lot.  He's moving happier already.   Definitely on the mend and doing so well!  Its so encouraging.  Got him in some Ric Redden shoe/boots, too, to elevate his heels.  The angle is taking pressure off the injury even more and he's a lot happier.  The vet and I both feel that his recovery is going well and he's lined up to be a-okay as long as we take things slow!

Update brigade

Equine updates:

Pegasus does beautifully when he has a tie-down on, without it he throws his head allllll over and nearly bashes me in the face.  Its rather impressive.  He hasn’t reared up yet, but as his mother is known for it, I’d like to not take my chances.  Little horse has an unnaturally high head carriage as is, so hopefully with the aid of the tie down for now, he will learn to keep it lower and those urges to throw it up and around and all which-a-ways will end.

He responded well with the beautiful new hand-tied rope halter/bridle I ordered (viewed in photos of me on Pegasus).  I love, love, love how it turned out.  The craftsmanship is absolutely beautiful!!  And if snot-face responds to it, that says something because he has forcefully resisted most bits and another hackamore-type bridle I have tried on him.  Not to say he won’t respond, but it takes a ton of encouragement; he digressed in the two week hiatus I took from riding him.  He’s getting back to it though and will be better in no time.

Orion is still lame.  Still swollen.  Still ouchy.  BUT, he is closer to home now!  He now lives with Pegasus and Gracie – a brief 4 minute drive from my house!  Sure beats 20+ minutes!!  I have time again in my life to do things that are non-horse if I so choose. 

Right now Orion is separate from the other two and will probably remain so for awhile while everyone gets used to each other.  They are installing a gate into one fence line to allow him access to grass in the orchard.  Its all grass and not much clover or otherwise, so as long as he doesn’t colic from it, we’ll be good.  Time to get fat and sassy!

UNICORN!

I consulted my friend and equine vet and she came out this afternoon to see him.  Digital flexor definitely has some issues and probably other tendon/ligaments also.  We're doing DMSO sweat wraps and bute for the next five days barring and sort of reaction.  The wraps will continue for awhile longer.  I finally feel like we're getting somewhere.  Going to add some sort of shoe with a heel to it to help take more pressure off his tendons.  His splayed-foot posture that has developed is definitely due to the pain he's dealing with.  Super slopey pasterns and splayed feet are his way of compensating.  He did trot on lead line (he's never done this) today when she blocked out his feet and back of fetlocks (numbed them up) to determine where the pain was located.  He liked not feeling the pain!

Real world updates:

Last two weeks I’ve been lucky enough to get out of the damn air-conditioned office and into the field (right in the midst of this wonderful heat, lucky me).  All trips have been in concordance with EPA, US Army Corps of Engineers, and DEP.  Last week’s visits were to Marcellus Shale sites.  Oh. My. Goodness.  If you’re not from the Northeast, I’m not sure how much you may or may not have heard about Marcellus Shale drilling.  There is a documentary that came out a couple years ago – which I have yet to see – that is called Gasland.  It tells of all the mal-effects of hydro-fracking, the favored process for extracting natural gas.  And, as with all documentaries, it sways the viewer into disliking this new industry.  Marcellus may be good for the economy, jobs, etc., but it seems that there isn’t a great amount of long-term knowledge about the effects of Marcellus on the land.  

I love these kids!  Noah, Leana, and Nonee

The Marcellus industry has begun to take over West Virginia.  They boast the availability of hundreds and thousands of jobs; quote that they have filled restaurants and motels again; that this industry will provide so much for the state and the country.  But what they don’t talk about is how they swindle farmers out of their land.  How some of them avoid following recommendations by the Corps, EPA, or DEP when they install well-pads and pipelines.  How they are fragmenting the forest and causing sedimentation to injure streams.  What I saw last week was not pretty and it really woke me up.

The people I met who are working for the companies were wonderful.  They recognized their mistakes and were striving to rectify them in the best ways possible.  They were good-ol’-country boys doing what they could to make a living for themselves and their families.  They were genuine and likeable – or perhaps that is the very ploy they use to get what they want.  The jury is out on that for me.

Bottom line, Marcellus Shale is in a gold-rush mentality right now and there just aren’t enough solid regulations about all of it.  I think its too-much too-fast.  Shale-ionaires are out to make their money wham-bam quick before us hillbillies realize what happened.  Time will tell.  My eyes have certainly been opened on the subject and I will be taking a keen interest in it from now on out.

This is one of my favorite places in all the world (taken on Spruce Knob; WV's highest point at 4863 ft.)

 Let me say though, watching those men maneuver those big, yellow machines (because I don’t really know what they’re all called) was FREAKING AWESOME!  Sooo much skill.  I was mesmerized.  DEP, EPA, my partner, and the Corps were busy discussing permitting issues with a stream crossing (through an endangered mussel stream) and I was gaping at the skill at which these men got those machines off the trucks and how they could drive them up one of the STEEPEST, muddiest embankments I’ve ever witnessed.  Holy moly!  And Chevy trucks, too!  Chevy could definitely make a commercial, haha!

Yesterday my field visit involved a good ol’ coal mine and some sliiiiccckk talkin’ fellas who wanted to make it happen.  All the agencies met with the company about a proposed mine site and then we visited the site to see issues with streams and wetlands and to see what they propose to do to rectify the issues.  It was really interesting and not all bad.  Going to be a lot of work, but in the long run, I think it will be good.  One thing though – if you’re going to attempt to persuade a group of state and government agencies to give you a permit and YOU are the one doing a lot of the sweet talking, please dress and talk the part!  Crocs, camo shorts, and a surf-company t-shirt, using “was” instead of “is”, and other common stereotypical mistakes that the culture in this area tends to make = not impressive or professional.  That kind of demeanor may get landowners to allow you onto their property, but it doesn’t do much in the way of impressing your professional audience of your ability to perform your duties… or maybe that’s just me.

Personal updates:

Well, me-time is minimal these days.  My work schedule has me working 9 hours Mondays – Thursdays each week, with one 8 hour Friday and the other one off every two week period.  I chose this for myself, and I like it, but it makes evening down time hard right now.  Since Orion is closer, that should make things better.  But my marathon month of being super busy every weekend is still in full swing.  Once the endurance race is over (this weekend; I'm volunteering) I should have a little more time to sit down and do other things.  My desk and dresser top are cluttered with random items that I chuck there as I come and go.  It wouldn’t take more than an hour (max) to clear all this up, but I just can’t seem to find the time!

I feel as if I haven’t seen enough of Kenai lately, too.  Its really sad.  But with the heat situation as of late, and my busy schedule, its hard to keep him included without being concerned for heat stroke.  His coat has REALLY thinned out, but he just drools and bubbles if he becomes exerted.  So I don’t know.  For now I’m just keeping him inside most of the day.  It will be cool again soon.

I do have three pleasure books to start on though.  One that my boss lent me about the Arctic because he thinks I’ll enjoy it, and two others I ordered from Amazon because I’ve wanted to read them for awhile.  They give me something to look forward to; something to get lost in.

I go to training at the National Conservation Training Center in two weeks.  While I will have classes during the day the evenings I will have off to just veg out in my super sweet room - just me - in the lodge.  I plan on taking yarn to knit and books to read.  Going to be nice to kind of have a getaway.

Nat'l Ski Patrol training started this past weekend!  Flipping SWEET.  I'm super excited for it to continue.  I excel at this kind of thing.  I don't have to think too hard about a lot of it; its stuff I've delved into before because I'm interested in it.  Its all so much fun and I"m learning a ton already.  It'll make snow season seem not-so-bad for once.  

Lately I've been a pessimist about a lot of things; dwelling on the negative and not focusing on the positive.  I'm making a point daily to get out of this habit.  I'm a work in progress; I'm getting there.

**And obviously picture content doesn't match the written content for this post.  These photos are from two weekends ago.  All pictures in this post by this guy.  I beat him over the head with a rock pestered the crap out of him to get them to me in a quick manner.  Thanks for that.

Happiness & Dragons

**update on legit goings-on to come; waiting on pictures for it before I post.

Bear with me, this post is full of thought-puke.  Its all just going to pour out...

Pleasing others, its something I try to do too much.  And I need to quit.  There is a fine line between making others happy by doing a good job and making myself happy in the process.  People request me to do things and when I agree to do them I throw myself into it.  I seek to please to the utmost.  And I seek and seek and seek until its absolutely silly.  I don't always know where to quit.  And lately, its making me miserable. 

I'm trying to help out too many friends at once.  I have trouble saying no.  I'm running myself into the ground trying to please everyone but myself.  Its killing me.  It doesn't stress me out as much as school + work + social situations have freaked me out in the past - I'm not losing undue sleep over it - but its still stressing me out.  I see exactly whats happening and I want to resolve it.  But I just don't know how!  I don't know how to "just say no" when what I'm trying to accomplish is good.  Its helpful for others.  But helpful for others shouldn't take so much time away from  me being me.  That's the bottom line.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm so confused about who I am and who I want to be.  I'm trying to mold myself.  I know where I want to end up.  But then me, now me, and future-hopeful me are all clashing.  I can't get to where I want to be.  I'm booking myself too tight.  I'm disappointed in myself because of it - and that in itself is irrational. 

I'm upset with myself for having such a hard time and being miserable when I've got SO much going for me.  I'm SO lucky.  Why am I so unhappy about select things? 

I NEED to REALLY work on me time.  I need more me time.  I need to make it a DAILY OCCURRENCE.  I need to manage my time better.  I need to get my expectations in line with reality.  But its all so much easier said than done - not to be cliche.

This is all been triggered lately by my research into certain subjects.  My desire to do one thing, and one, or in some cases multiple, people coming down on me for it.  I need to stick to my guns.  I need to do what makes ME happy.  I need to buck up and deal with things just a little better.  But its really difficult when I try to do that and people blatantly ignore what I'm saying or trying to do.  I know things take time.  But damnit, time goes so slow when you're unhappy with things.  Hindsight is 20/20.  And in hindsight things seem so trivial that you once thought were impossible.  And in hindsight things seem to have happened in the blink of an eye, when at the time they seemed to drag on.  And I know, that in hindsight, all of this will be silly.  Just another tiny speed bump in my life.  Not a horribly deep pothole, but just a little speed bump. 

UGH!  I hate not knowing how to handle something; or what's more, I hate knowing how to handle something and not doing it!  Its like, I know how I want to act, how I should act, and then some part of me comes roaring out of it's cave I thought I'd locked it away in and just takes over and ruins things.  I need to keep these dragons caged.  Or better yet, find a way to set them FREE so they never return.  

Conclusions: I need to make more time for me; more time to slow down, to enjoy the slow passage of time in a relaxing manner.  I need to learn how to say no.  I need to buck up and deal with things a little better - in a way I want to deal with them, the way I know is right.  I need to set my dragons free.

Fly away dragons, fly away.

I am

I am a college graduate.  What seemed so long-in-the-coming and surreal became real in a few short seconds of walking across a stage, shaking three hands, smiling for three pictures, and receiving my diploma in an envelope.

My brother is still in Europe so I'm pointing to him in this photo of WVU's production of The Grapes of Wrath - he's driving the wagon as Al Joad.

Arrival to the coliseum was chaotic.  Went to one room to get my reader card, another room to line up with fellow Biology graduates, and then in our single file line we wound down the stairs and out onto the covered basketball court to be seated amongst the other 20 some majors graduating.  Eberly College of the Arts and Sciences is the largest and most diverse at WVU.  Needless to say the ceremony was long and boring - and hot, so hot.  Biochem/Biology went first - I was the 68th person to receive my diploma.  As we filed into yet another line to await walking the stage we exchanged smiles, hand-shakes, and some teary eyes with each other.  Its crazy that after four years of stressing over - what now seem like petty quizzes and tests - we were about to graduate.  At times it seemed like we'd never get there., and then boom its happening.  We did it.

So proud of my freshman year roommate and her Order of Augusta status.  =)

I am a college graduate.  We are college graduates.

And now, the question that everyone feels they must ask me, "What are you going to do now?"  and some lead the question along with an added, "Graduate school?"  And while I can quote off this "plan" I have for myself ("taking classes online through Oregon State to obtain a Master's certificate in GIS Science and spending my summer working for Fish & Wildlife - Why? - because wildlife is different from most graduate programs in that they must have a project and full funding for it prior to advertising the position and finding the perfect student, its a back-door process") the truth is I don't know what I'm going to do, really.  

I am uncertain.  I don't know what I want to a T.  I know that the perfect opportunity will arise.  I do want to get my Master's of Science in wildlife - or maybe GIS.  I want to begin this within the next five years.  I'll be carrying 8 hours this fall.  But truly, I don't have some "big plan" for things.  Honestly, I wish people could just lay off and let sleeping dogs lie.  I'm not throwing my life away.  The bulk of responses I get when I quote off my plan that doesn't - yet - include me going off to graduate school somewhere are very disappointing.  Its great that society places education so highly, and that success is seen as education.  Education is an amazing accomplishment.  But jeebus, let me have a break.  I've got my priorities in line still, I just want to have some fun for a little while and relax.  -And by "little while" I mean a year.  That's not so much in the grand scheme of things.  And if the perfect opportunity arises before, then so be it, I will take it.  But its not my biggest priority.  I have a great job in the mean time.

I am accomplished.  I've done so much these past four years.  Stressing over so many things.  But worth it?  yes.  I'm a better, and - believe it or not - calmer and more level-headed person from it all.  Its a good place to be. 

I am happy.