Misery (& bears)

So rock bottom.  Again.  And this time I'm going to actually state why.

Cute right?  Together for 2 years and 8 months.  Perfect relationship.  Effortless.  Never had a fight. Arguments of minor significance, but nothing major ever.  And then, out of no where, he ends it.  He says he's "not invested" in it and its not fair to me.  And I know I've been stressed out with this whole graduate school application process and the thought of possibly leaving for school next year is scary.  But throughout all of that...I still love him and want to be with him.  Bottom line.  Period.

So now, its over.  And I'm a wreck.  I've lost 10 lbs. in a week; I can't bring myself to eat.  It nauseates me.  I drink some every now and then.  I cry all the time.  I'm trying to stay busy so I don't think about it.  I'm trying to be as positive and rational as I can.  I'm surrounding myself with wonderful people.  I LOVE my friends.  Let me say that again because I really want to make a point... I LOVE my friends.  They are amazing and are helping me through this.  But you know what?  Despite all of this...I want things to work out with us.  I want to be back together.  I am hurt beyond HURT right now...but I want to be back together sometime.  

This boy has been nothing but amazing to me while we were together.  Nothing but perfect. Textbook perfect.  That boy that everyone wishes they had.  That relationship every girl dreams about.  I had that.  It was amazing.  And I'm so confused and hurt as to why its gone...  And I want to fix it.  I want time to fix it; but right now I HATE TIME.  Oh life, why must you be so hard?

In an effort to feel better I have asked a bunch of my girl friends to send me picture mail throughout the day of little things that make them smile in an effort to cheer me.  Its been really amazing so far.  Mostly its pictures of their pets that are absolutely ridiculous.  I love them.  One of a cat spying over top a laptop made me laugh for a long time.  Just imagine sitting with your laptop and then these ears and eyes, no more, peek up at you from behind the screen... Yeah.  Hilarious.

TODAY, in an effort to stay busy and further my life for the future and for the better I went and did THIS.  

NO, they aren't dead.  Just tranquilized!  Had to process them, get measurements and stats.  My undergraduate thesis, yeah, right here.  Thats just how awesome my life has the potential to be...

So here's to trying to be positive, fuzzy bears, and amazing friends.  (And boyfriend and I becoming boyfriend & girlfriend again...or at least getting on the right path for that...)

Buh-bye!