Thursday, March 3, 2011


Motivation - where did mine go?  I plugged through - what is it now? 16? - years of school.  Perfect grades in high school.  Second in my class.  College has been a bit more difficult, but a GPA of 3.72 is definitely respectable.  I've never had problems finding motivation to do my work - ever.  It was just this thing I had to do.  It has been my job for as long as I can remember.

But not now.  Now I'm struggling to get everything done.  I know it needs to be done.  I write daily to-do lists and reminders to myself.  But I just don't care as much anymore.  In fact, while trying to push through a particularly dry article for my Animal Behavior class this morning - this article has nothing to do with animal behavior, its all about pompous butt-heads trying to be better than everyone else at scientific writing...boring - a thought crossed through my head, "What if I just drop out?  I mean...why not?"  And that scared me, floored me that I would even think such a thing!  I have TWO MONTHS left before I become a college graduate. TWO MONTHS.  This is no time to stop!  I want time off, its coming.  62 days.  62 days until I take my final final exam.  62 days until I no longer have to wake up for classes.  62 days until I don't have to worry about grades, or due dates, or exams - none of it62 days.

I think I might have found my motivation to do this...finish everything up.  Run that last 100 meters as strong as I can.  But I still have so much to do!  And I'm scared about it because I know how much there is to be done.  But...but...but I KNOW I am capable.  I can do it.  That thesis?  I'll get it done.  I'll excel.  It may not be worthy of publishing in a scientific peer-reviewed journal, but it will be good.  It will be - I hope and pray - the best piece of scientific literature I've ever written.  I just have to take a little time each day to do a little work on it - or at least take a moment or two to think about what I need to do so I can do it all at once in a week or so...

I got this.


In more exciting news, my friend Ty set off this morning on the Appalachian Trail.  Over the next five months he plans to do the entire 2,181 miles from Springer Mtn., Georgia to Mt. Kathahdin, Maine.  That's a long-ass walk!

I hope to meet up with him, - buy the poor ragged hiker a real meal - job and schedule permitting, later this summer.  It would be cool to hike a little of it with him, but the whole park my car at point A and hike to point B thing isn't exactly going to work for me unless I hitch a ride back to point A.

I told my mom about getting Gideon last night.  I was trying to hold off until he was in Elkins and until I had a job.  I just wanted to keep her from worrying more than she needed - guess that's a mom-thing.  She tends to freak out about things and then calls me to discuss and then I freak out more than is necessary.  So to avoid that completely I had wanted to wait...buuuttttt I gave in.  She's super excited about him.  She wants to go riding with me, too.  So does my brother when he arrives back from London in June.

So, Saturday will consist of getting Gideon moved successfully home.  73 miles south of here - I hope he travels well and doesn't spazz out.  Unfortunately it looks like rain all weekend - so I won't get to ride like I'd wanted.  BUT, I'm going back home on Tuesday again because...

--drum roll please--

I have an interview!  Goodness, oh goodness, do I hope it goes well!  Its a STEP position with Fish & Wildlife.  I really want this job.  Oh-so-badly.  It would be a great first job for me.  A great resume builder.  A great chance for me to get my foot-in-the-door with the real world.  I still definitely plan to go back to get my Master's - just not now, I need a freaking break

This week up-coming is gonna be a big one for me.  I'm super excited about the prospect of a job, pumped-beyond-pumped about moving my new horse home - a dream come true -, and excited that I have found a little bit of my lost motivation to help power me through the upcoming 62 days. 

I'll leave you with this -- the sun shining on my beautiful, noble dog as he shamelessly begs for a treat.  Gotta love him.

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